The Family *roll

I am happy to report that I was accepted into my graduate program and will start a family nurse practitioner course this January. The program is designed for non-traditional students and rural folk like me so my on-campus commitments will actually be pretty slim to start with. However, I’ll still need baby-free time to study. And so Eleanor is going to day care, or her “new Mommy” as we’re calling it.

The day care programs we’re looking at will take her from 8 am – 5pm, 2 days a week starting in January. Daniel will also take her for 1/2 day each week so I will have ample time to immerse myself in pathophysiology and pharmacology and the like. While there is nothing relaxing about textbooks, papers and exams, I hunger for some time to focus on something other than the babe. I have not been away from Ellie for more than 3 hours since she was born. This was part choice and part circumstances – it’s been a true gift, though, that we have been able to spend this much time together. Now, however, I am looking forward to the chance to start school and reclaim a bit of Emily, RN. I am also looking forward to a break from the constant calculus of “lasts” i.e last fed, last slept, last changed etc. and a chance to experience what it’s like to miss your baby.

Ellie, as you can see from the picture, is not so sure about this change. She’s even developed her first cold this week to remind me how fragile she is. So I am staying awake at night, worrying about her being able to nap and stay content at day care and if this cold is just a taste of what’s to come. Ellie actually loves being around other babies and is fascinated by humans large and small going on with their business in front of her; the longest she’ll go without some sort of jostling or distraction from me is when we are on a play-date and she can watch other babies noodle around on their blankets. But what happens when she stops being distracted? I’m not so much worried about Eleanor being put out or experiencing some periodic benign neglect but I am worried about the day care workers having to deal with her fussiness. I’ve imagined all sorts of scenarios (usually around midnight) of the older kids hating Tuesdays and Thursdays, the days that crabby baby shows up, or even of Ellie being kicked out of the daycare since she refuses to nap if not held and danced in the way it’s taken Daniel and I 6 months to develop. I reassure myself that daycares have seen it all before and that both the daycare and Ellie will simply learn to handle each other.

But I do worry

Postscript: If you haven’t yet checked out Dan’s last roll of pictures, do so here. They’re beautiful.